Hyperbole and a Half: Someone Should Probably Kill This Post With Fire

Hyperbole and a Half: Someone Should Probably Kill This Post With Fire

I really enjoy the writing ability of this young woman. You should check into her blog often, you TDC Enjoyer, you.

This is some funny shit! I linked her on this page from the ZID Series, my latest chapter of the continuing saga of a half-Native, half-Irish dude writing about having survived many escapades while in Fuckno, Californication, which is 3,200 miles away from my Rez.

Where I live now.

http://thedailycolumn.blogspot.com/2010/04/tdc-weekend-at-willies-new-idea-tdc.html

TDC WEAW : Driving and Crashing on ZID

Well hey there, you TDC Enjoyer. You have decided to partake of the Sunday Side Show version of the Mighty TDC.

Thanks for dropping by. Here's a tune to help you get all "Shitiated." I'm thinking the Beatles, like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, but a bit more modern.

We had lost our heads, you see. And Sean was about to transform the Jeep into an Ark.




Now here we learn how to NOT drive while in the company of ZID.

__________________________

Sean was quite an amazing driver, always had been. I first learned this after I'd rebuilt my little Toyota Celica's engine in my bedroom, using only a Chilton's guide, and had to keep buying tools each step along the way.

He took the little four-banger out, with me in the shotgun seat, and went mudding in the neighbor's corral. He had us spinning around and doing amazing things, all while not even using the clutch. Speed shift. That is where I first learned that such a thing was possible, which came in quite handy in another couple months, when I realized I should have replaced the clutch disc when I had the engine all apart.

I began to have to start it up in first gear after the red light turned to green, and then speed shift to get up to speed.

That was when I first learned that all of the traffic lights in Fuckno were synchronized to let you have a clean ride of green lights at 33 MPH, or 66, or 99, if you needed.

Lucky for me, when I finally had enough money, all I had to do was removed 4 bolts from the drive shaft, drop it, eight or so bolts on the tranny, and take out the pumpkin. Clutch disc replaced, with that plastic guide thing. Also, new Starter, lol.

But I digress.
_________________________________


So, Sean got his courage back. He drove us out of that parking lot with skill.

Apu went back to his newspaper, certain to bring up our visit tonight the next time we went for a Big Gulp and some nachos at his 7-11.

Sean drove at precisely 5 MPH.

But we didn't have a clue about this. Everything was happening too much. "The World Was Too Much With Us," to paraphrase some writer...

Until, that is, the horns started honking and folks flew past us, showing us that they thought we were "Numba One" with their bird.

Sean got a clue. He began to speed shift, and really got into it.
The Jeep had some very nice tires on it, all big and fat and bouncy, and they made the deep, rumbly song one gets from chunky tread on tar. This bitch should have been in a mud pit or fig tree field.

We took a turn. Sean revved her hard, and we headed out to the fig tree orchards of Fuckno.

Except that there was a canal in the way, in the dark, at the end of the side street.

He saw the old wooden cross bar too late to stop, but he stomped on the brakes from instinct. Perhaps if he had gassed it like the General Lee, we might have flown over, above the canal, and into the night sky, into the stars.

Instead, we all awoke in the quiet of the moonlight, facing the sky, Jeep tailpipe gurgling under water, and we were a bit more dazed and confused than we had been before.

Sean had a nasty bumpy on his head from the steering wheel, but he wasn't feeling anything.

Or, he was feeling a whole lot of other things, as were we all.

Everything was strange, and we were quite thirsty.

Tellesco leaned over and took a sip of the cool mountain water running just below the rear bucket of the passenger compartment.

He camly rinsed out the Big Gulp cup that no longer had any Coca Cola in it, and filled it up. He was sitting in a puddle of ice and Coke now, and he was fine with that. Or oblivious.

He handed the cup around, and we were quite thankful.

Sean would have to get us back to the apartment.

It seemed that this ZID stuff was a bit of an ass-kicker.

Indeed it was, and we would continue on with our new enjoyment, and raise the enjoyment of many other folks, all summer long.

We became known for it.

You see, hippies who made this shit did not travel in Punk Circles.

We did.

Next week. Longer chapter.

God Help You.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++
LINKS
+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you have a good teacher in school? Play an April Fools Prank like Throbbing Hottie did on the ole Bossman Richie last week?


Here's a consideration for you, from last Thursday's news:

When you adopt, isn't it a contract that you've made, a commitment to a child? Perhaps the screening processes for both the prospective parent(s) and the orphan should be more precise in their evaluation. "Take him back, I want a different one. Can I get a do-over?"


Antidote, or is it:


Funny writer, writing about parenting.


Antidote to the antidote:

NSFW but very cute. Topless Women jogging.

From Here.


Need some clothing? LEDs in Clothing. Very nice electronic wear.


Now, that might be good, but this isn't:

Scary water quality issues in the Ijen Volcano. Eeeenteresting.



Russian Newspaper Pravda's slide show of deep sea creatures. Yummmmm.... Deep Fish....



Holy Crap. I don't get it?



Fucking antidote for that sheeeit.

Yes S Club - Kiss Kiss Kiss Video. NSFW, and you will not look away. I think that there are words and some sort of music involved.....